I am a Woman. I am Catholic. I am Bisexual. These three things make up a part of who I am, whether I like it or not. But they are not ALL of who I am. That would take more room than a single post would allow, to be sure. I've thought a lot about what I want to do with this blog, and I've come to the conclusion that my experiences in the dating world have offered me a wealth of knowledge, and I would be selfish not to pass it on to you, my readers. But how do I go about doing that? I am first and foremost, a story teller, so that is the first thing that came to mind. In fact, that is what today's post is going to be, a story.

But then I think how practical is that? And what if I haven't directly experienced what you have, but I can offer some insight into it? That is where the How-To comes in. That will come some time next week. But for now, a cautionary tale of love on the interwebz:

For giggles, I decided to post an ad to craigslist. I know, I know. First mistake. Here is the text of that ad:

I love posting these ads. No really, I do. If for nothing else than a good laugh. I should start off about myself to eliminate a majority of you. I'm 25 and going to school full time. I am not employed for numerous reasons, including school. If you have a problem with that, please move on to the next ad. I am Catholic. I don't care if your not. All I ask is that you respect my faith and I will respect yours, even if you don't subscribe to a particular religion. Also, please don't assume that just because I'm Catholic that I automatically follow all the "rules" to the letter of the law. I never said I was a good Catholic. I am also bi-sexual. This does NOT mean I am looking for a threesome or some other business like that, so please don't ask, at least not right now. Its not what I'm looking for at the moment. I have a myriad of interests and hobbies, far too many to list here. We can talk about those later. Physically, I am on the shorter side (5'3 to be exact), a little on the heavy side (not morbidly obese either), with red hair, and green eyes. If your still reading, congrats.

I am looking to date someone with the intent of an LTR. If your looking for FWB or NSA, please do me a favor and move on to the next ad. Better yet, go look in the "casual encounters" section of CL. You'll have more luck there.

As far as the specific individual is concerned, here is what I'm looking for:

SINGLE MALE. No married men looking for something on the side, no sugar daddies with kids my age. I don't have daddy issues, and I sure as hell don't want to deal with your kids thinking I'm out for your money. I'm not.
21-35 years old. I want to go out and have a good time LEGALLY. While 35 is not set in stone, it is a definite preference. As I said before, I don't have daddy issues. Anyone over 45 need not apply, sorry if that's bitchy.
5'10 or taller. Again, a preference, not set in stone. Just be taller than me in 3 inch heels. so at least 5'7.
Race is not important, though I tend to prefer white or Hispanic. Don't let that stop you from replying though.
Not stick thin, but not morbidly obese either.
Employed, going to school, or both. This is not a money thing. Its a I want you to have a life outside of our relationship thing.
A sense of humor is an absolute MUST. If you can't take a joke, please don't waste my time.
Be a gentleman. Open doors, pick me up, that sort of thing.
Don't expect sex on the first date. If it happens, it happens. If not, please don't get all butt hurt.
Cleanliness is a must. Brush your teeth, take a shower, spray on some cologne if necessary. I want to see you BEFORE I smell you.

And finally:

Don't be a spam bot. Don't send me to your website. I can report you to CL if need be. Your pic will get mine =) Have a great day.

I did this more as a social experiment and to see what kind of responses I would get. All in the name of good blogging material. Apparently, men on CL aren't all that picky, or they don't know how to read. I got something like 30 responses within an hour of the ad going live. I eliminated 10 of them in the first 2 minutes based on age alone. 10 more were eliminated within the hour because our personalities didn't click. 5 were spam bots. So that left 5 good men who responded to my ad within the hour. I went out with one of them this past Sunday, and I'm set to go out with another one tomorrow. What follows is Sunday's date:

It was kind of spur of the moment. We seemed to have this really great mental connection, and he wasn't bad looking either. We agreed to meet at the Market Broiler in Ontario at 8:45pm. He was late, but not too badly. I was wearing jeans, a nice shirt, and a pair of heels. I looked HOT. He was wearing a ratty t-shirt, shorts, and flip flops. Second mistake. He was a gentleman though, and knew how to maintain a conversation. I don't think we stopped talking the entire time we were there, but something just didn't seem right. I brushed it off and continued the conversation. The waitress brought the bill. He wouldn't even think of going dutch, so I dropped the protest rather quickly. Kudos point 1. I hadn't noticed before, but he lied about his height. I'm 5'6 in heels and he told me he was 6'0. I was taller than he was when I was in heels. Strike three. We walk out of the restaurant and head towards my car. He seems REALLY awkward as we get closer. I go to give him a hug goodbye and he acts like I have a contagious disease. Strike four. He (barely) hugs me goodbye and sprints off towards his car. This was Sunday night. Its now Friday afternoon and I have yet to hear from him. Strike five.

Overall, I thought the date portion went well. I would have rather had him tell me he was shorter than what he originally said he was before we met. I felt awkward wearing heels, and I would have dressed more appropriately had I known. His uber casual dress style indicated to me that he wasn't all that interested to begin with and his behavior at the car didn't help. Methinks I won't be hearing from him again, but there is always tomorrow. Hopefully tomorrow's date will be better than Sunday's. I'll be sure to post about it sometime next week, so be sure to check it out!

Since I posted. I keep getting the emails of my subs, but I hardly ever click over here anymore. I'm so absorbed in everything else. I'm not sure what I'll do with this blog. I'm not a big fan of the "ish sites" as they're so lovingly called. They're kind of like the red headed step child of xanga. I'm sitting here writing this at 3:45 in the morning because I can't sleep. Maybe some sleep and the natural light of day will give me a new perspective, so I'll decide what to do then. Until such a time as this, I bid you all farewell

I couldn’t stand the way he looked at her, like he OWNED her or something.  The way she looked at him scared me even more. It was like she accepted his ownership of her, like a cute puppy who doesn’t know any better looks at the owner who beats her for no reason. The bruises were the worst. Her hands were the size of cantaloupes and her wrists were black and blue from where he had grabbed her and shook her. How could a human being do that to another human being? It didn’t make sense.
Then it dawned on me. He wasn’t a human being and neither was she. He was a monster and she was a shell of her old self. All I can think about now was the promise of her life. She was smart, talented, beautiful, and funny. And when I say smart I mean a perfect score on her SAT’s and full ride scholarships to ivy-league schools all over the country smart. She could have been anything she wanted to be.
But then that bastard came along and ruined her life. He capitalized on her non-existent relationship with her parents and ran with it. I should have said something. I was supposed to be her best friend, right? The first time she came to me crying should have been the last. I should have stuck with her, even if it meant getting hurt myself. But I was too selfish, too caught up in my own mess to even really see what was going on in her life.
If the tears weren’t enough then the hospital trip should have done it. I’ll admit I acted rashly. I probably shouldn’t have knocked Ian out, even if it was what he deserved. I should have known she would have defended him. By that point he had ripped the very soul from her and turned her into a mindless zombie. I couldn’t recognize her the first time I saw her out of the hospital. She weighed maybe 95 pounds, which is small, even for her. He was starving her, trying to control every aspect of her life. When she went home that night from seeing me he beat her for leaving the house.
Six months later she became pregnant with their first child. When I found out I went directly to her parents, trying to get them to help her, but they said she had made her choices and she had to live with them. They actually had the nerve to say I should back off and let her live her own life. Before I left I asked them if they could even call what she had a life. I left before I could hear their response.
I had some hope that maybe a baby would straighten things out between them, maybe make Ian less of a monster. I was wrong. He wouldn’t even let her have a baby shower, saying they were only for good mothers who didn’t cheat on their husbands. By this point the only thing stopping me from killing him was the fact that Sarah begged me not to. The only way she was even able to communicate with the outside world was through a prepaid cell phone. He monitored all her phone calls on the house phone and her other cell phone, to the point where he would call the number, see who picked up, hang up, and go beat her if he didn’t like who she was talking to. He swore she was cheating on him with anybody and everybody, her friends included.
I don’t know that I would do anything differently. I just know that I don’t want things to end the way they did for Sarah. I remember getting the phone call like it was yesterday, even though its been three years since he killed her. All I can remember about that day was I downed an entire bottle of jack like it was water.
The day started out normal enough. I got in my car to go to school, dredged through my classes for the day, went home, and began to prep dinner. Then the phone rang. I had chicken guts all over my hands, so I asked my mom to pick up the phone. She answered it and Sarah’s mom was on the line. My mom said it sounded urgent, so I quickly washed my hands, dried off and took the phone. All Barbara said was she’s dead, and hung up the phone. No details, no blame, no explanation. I got a card in the mail a few days later with the funeral details, but still no explanation.
The funeral was the worst. Ian was there, holding the baby like nothing had happened. The only thing that was out of place was the armed guard standing next to Ian and the shackles around his feet. I wanted to slap him, wanted to strangle the life out of his body, but I knew he would get what he deserved in the end. Barbara came up to me and apologized for hanging up, but I could barely say anything to her, I was so full of rage.
Rage at her for not doing something sooner, rage at myself for not defending her, hell even rage toward Sarah for not getting out when she had the chance. But I was vengeful towards Ian. The only question I dared to ask was what the hell was he doing there. He had put her in that coffin years before he ever killed her, and he had no right to even think he was welcome there that day.
I couldn’t bear the thought of that jerk, that bastard, that wife beater getting to live on while Sarah’s life was wasted. In my mind, he didn’t deserve to live. I just kept comforting myself with the thought that he would never be able to hurt another woman again, never be able to destroy another life. That is the only thing that allows me to sleep at night…